The labor situation in the NHL right now is a disaster. Instead of watching games fans have been reduced to following players on Instagram, where they post pictures of themselves getting humped by goats. What hockey fans tend to forget, though, is that no one who didn’t grow up with the sport cares much about the lockout. Now, the psychos at Something Awful have reminded us the NHL’s popularity pales in comparison to the other leagues and a lockout only furthers that irrelevance.
Luckily you’re so turtled up in Full Nerd Denial to even notice. Like the Magic the Gathering player who says he’s abstinent by choice, you’ve gone on and cancelled a season no one cares about. Yeah, you’re in control here. So let the NBA and NFL go waste time and energy being popular (ugh!), exciting (blah!), and profitable (phlart!) while you sit around and squabble like two 16 year olds fighting over which Linux version to boot.
And what’s worse is that you selfish assholes don’t even realize what you’re doing to your die hard fans. Yes, they exist. They’re easy to spot: white, possess little high skilled jobs, and live in cities often described as “industrial”, “cold”, “crime ridden”, or “an urban blight festering in the portion of the U.S. best suited for a nuclear firestorm.” So while you fight over paper route money, your fans are empty. After Romney lost, hockey was all they had left. The last pillars of denial and imagined racial self-importance came crashing down fast.
So, NHL, just to be clear, you’re pretty much responsible for every spouse found dead in a trailer park from now until the Philadelphia Flyers skate again.