Hey Russia, GET THE PUCK OUT!

 

It’s the Red Scare all over again. If there are students in Brooklyn that play hockey, they should be cowering under their desks with the news that the KHL will play two regular season hockey games in the borough’s new Barclays Center. The Barclays Center, future home of the Brooklyn Nets, will host the teams from the Russian hockey league because the Nets’ ga-zillionaire Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov really must hate America, and Canada too for that matter. By all accounts hating America is easy for people all over the world, but Canada? Come on, guys.

As a diehard NHL fan (frankly, it’s a little unhealthy), the KHL makes me absolutely sick so you can imagine my reaction when I heard the news they’d be invading the land of the free and the home of the brave. Didn’t we beat them already in Lake Placid back in 1980? This is ‘merica, dammit, and we need to keep those commies out. I hate Russian hockey. They think they’re so sweet with their vodka and dead players and Olympic-sized ice, well guess what? We took all your best players and they dangle here all they want, so go home. Do you think Kovalchuk or Ovechkin would pick the KHL over the NHL? COME ON.

Apparently one of the teams thats being discussed coming to the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD is Avangard Omsk, Jaromir Jagr’s team during his stint in the KHL. What are they trying to do bring him back? Hey Avangargle -my-balls, Jagr might be from Czechoslovakia but he’s our guy now. He chose to come back to the NHL after a few years behind the iron curtain and they can forget it if they’re going to try sneaking him away with them. Good try, we pulled that off when we stole Fedorov way back in the day. You can’t triple-stamp a double-stamp .

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