I’ve finally started a new site – WhenYouPutItThatWay.com – where I’ll be posting consistently again. Hosting my own page allows more creativity with the layout and a credibility that didn’t seem possible here. Some of the best posts from the site you’re reading now will be revised and recycled, while hopefully we can all just pretend the worst (cough, cough) never happened.

Thanks to my girlfriend, friends, family, blog followers, and anyone who has ever bookmarked, liked the Facebook page, or re-tweeted my links. Any upswing in interest has been really helpful and genuinely appreciated. I remember all the nice words and suggestions. Seriously, thank you.

If you have any suggestions for the new site (which is coming along slower than I’d hoped so please bear with me) let me know on Twitter (@JeffStone500) or at WYPITW@gmail.com.

Among those in denial is Philadelphia Flyers goon Jody Shelley, who – despite playing more than a decade in the NHL – claimed to have never seen any other players try to gain an unfair advantage by shooting a needle into themselves. During an interview with PhillyBurbs.com last month the veteran winger denied the NHL needed blood testing, which is used to detect the human growth hormone that kept ball players like Mark McGwire and Mike Piazza out of Cooperstown.

“You have to look at it from a kid’s point of view,” Shelley said. “Kids that are 12 to 20, living with dreams and aspirations and heroes. It sounds like a message from the writers, you can’t deny what those guys did as athletes and baseball players.”

And baseball players. Nope, not hockey’s problem. Only those dastardly athletes in the NFL, NBA, MLB, and every other sport would consider using PEDs.

Picture yourself as a 17-year-old kid playing in a junior league hundreds of miles away from home. You’re friends from home are going to senior prom and applying to colleges but your stapled to the bench. One of the guys who came up a few years ahead of you was just drafted and looks like he’ll be spending next season in the AHL. Meanwhile, because you’ve had trouble putting on weight, the team just traded for a 16-year-old that looks like he’s going to steal your roster spot.

All you have to do is start injecting a shot into your butt cheek 20 minutes before hitting the weight room a couple times a week. You know a guy who can get the stuff cheap, and the league you’re playing for doesn’t even test for it. No one even has to know, and even if they suspect something you’ll be too busy scoring goals for them to think twice. The difference could be a shot at the show versus bragging for the rest of your life about captaining a Division II team.

“As far as HGH, I think that if the league thought it was a problem, they would go after it,” Shelley continued. “Maybe that (blood testing) is the next step to this whole thing. They addressed the major issue when it came up and tried to get ahead of it like the other sports with steroids. Maybe there’s another step, I don’t know…I think the NHL has done a good job. If other things come up, there will be a discussion.”

Bad news, Jody. Other things have come up. Former seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong’s admission that he led the U.S.P.S. cycling team in a no holds barred steroid orgy should shake major sports leagues to their core. There’s no excuse to pretend this isn’t happening in locker rooms across North America, not anymore.

Part of the reason Shelley may not think there’s a problem is because of the league’s laughable testing policy. Before the 2010 Olympics Games in Vancouver, World Anti Doping Agency director general David Howman told reporters that, despite what too many executives and fans think, hockey doesn’t exist in a bubble.

“We don’t know if there’s a problem (in the NHL),” Howman said. “But you’re left with a suspicion there may be a problem if they’re not prepared to front-up. That’s the underlying issue. (The policy) is not as stringent as you would want. And therefore you could slip under the radar quite easily.”

Again, it seems unlikely that steroid use is a widespread problem in hockey, but refusing to even acknowledge it’s happening is mind-boggling.

Very little has changed under the terms of the newest collective bargaining agreement. Sarah Kwak at Sports Illustrated reported that the NHL and NHLPA only “will study the use of stimulants and amphetamines and make recommendations…including whether or not to establish a testing program.”

Instead of simply “establishing a testing program,” something that should be considered the bare minimum for any sport trying to curb drug use, NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly announced the league would focus on Ambien, the sleeping pill.

“It’s not a huge concern, but it is a concern,” said Daly.

So sleeping pills are a “concern” but exorbitant levels of testosterone and the idea of players using the same drugs Sylvester Stallone used to bulk up for Rambo are off the grid?

In 2008 Daly’s boss, NHL Commish Gary Bettman, testified in front of a U.S. House subcommittee that the NHL didn’t have a problem with performance enhancing drugs, citing only one suspension in the nearly three years between the hearing and the 2004-05 lockout.

“We shouldn’t all be painted with the same broad brush,” Bettman said. “Every sport is different. What goes on in one sport does not go in every sport. This hasn’t been an issue for us as it has been for others.”

Gary has never been popular among fans but there’s no denying he’s one of the smartest men in the game. The commissioner’s sense of his own power is unrivaled, so he has to realize the benefits of keeping any steroid use in the league under wraps. It’s better business for him and the NHL to avoid the steroids discussion altogether. Living in the dark means hockey, coming off its second lockout in under a decade, will be able to avoid the public relations disaster that’d be unavoidable if a future Hall of Famer like Teemu Selanne or Martin Brodeur was revealed to have been so good for so long because they were cheating.

Someday the use of PEDs in hockey will fly in the face of fans and the league, whether they like it or not. It will be revealed that players scoring highlight reel goals today started using yesterday. Until then, though, it might be better to keep up the facade. But when the wall of denial finally comes down – either by force or league initiative – at least we’ll be able to stop pretending hockey is immune.

Four Australian teenagers have been arrested after a man came forward claiming he’d just been assaulted after leaving a 7-11. The man, it seems, was approached by someone dressed as Papa Smurf and asked for a cigarette. He complied but when he refused to light it Papa Smurf erupted and gave the poor guy a major beating. The victim also said he witnessed three other Smurfs trying to hotwire a car.

The foursome turned themselves in after seeing their blue faces broadcast on the news.

[Via Geekologie]

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta and various congressmen have now classified the record high number of military suicides last year an “epidemic.” Experts blame the rising trend – which took 349 lives in 2012 alone – on Iraq and Afghanistan veterans suffering from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as well as financial and relationship troubles that combine to produce a sense of hopelessness. That’s not to mention substance abuse, legal problems or other issue facing service men and women. Often, they are simply unable to cope with being a civilian after returning home from combat.

In 2005 the suicide rate in the Army was less than half of 2012’s number.

From the Associated Press:

Each year the Pentagon performs an in-depth study of the circumstances of each suicide. The most recent year for which that analysis is available is 2011, and among the findings was that those who took their own lives tended to be white men under the age of 25, in the junior enlisted ranks, with less than a college education.

The analysis of 2011′s 301 military suicides also found that the suicide rate for divorced service members was 55 percent higher than for those who were married. It determined that 60 percent of military suicides were committed with the use of firearms – and in most cases the guns were personal weapons, not military-issued.

That study also found that most service members who attempted suicide – about 65 percent – had a known history of behavior problems, whereas 45 percent of those who actually completed the act and killed themselves had such a history.

One such case was Army Spc. Christopher Nguyen, 29, who killed himself last August at an off-post residence he shared with another member of the 82nd Airborne Division at Fort Bragg, N.C., according to his sister, Shawna Nguyen.

“He was practically begging for help and nothing was done,” she said in an interview.

[Via Associated Press]

There are no words.

[Via Gothamist]

Jamie “The Bear” McDonald, a competitive eater and body builder, is wowing his way across the Internet for devouring the entire Hobbit-themed Denny’s Menu in a mere 20 minutes, even better than the record set by drunks looking for some late-night chow on the weekends.

Geek Tyrant detailed exactly what he ate:

Hobbit Hole Breakfast: Two eggs fried right into the center of grilled Cheddar bun halves. Served with two strips of bacon and crispy hash browns topped with melted shredded Cheddar cheese and bacon.

Shire Sausage Skillet: Shire sausage with seasoned red-skinned potatoes, sautéed mushrooms and fire-roasted peppers and onions served on a sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and two eggs.

Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet: Slow-cooked pot roast, herb-roasted carrots, celery, mushrooms and onions over broccoli and seasoned red-skinned potatoes served on a hot sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and served with dinner bread.

The Ring Burger: A hand-pressed burger topped with Pepper Jack cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms and mayo on a grilled Cheddar cheese bun. Crowned with three crispy onion rings and served with lettuce, tomato, red onions, pickles and a side of wavy-cut French fries.

Gandalf’s Gobble Melt: Tender sliced turkey breast and savory stuffing topped with melted Swiss cheese placed on grilled potato bread with a cranberry honey mustard spread. Served with your choice of side and gravy for dipping.

Dwarves’ Turkey & Dressing Dinner: Tender sliced turkey breast, savory stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce served with your choice of two sides and dinner bread. Feeds a band of Dwarves. Or one hungry human…..or Bear.

Lonely Mountain Treasure: Seed Cake French Toast cut into nine squares and served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies: Six bite-sized round red velvet Pancake Puppies® made with white chocolate chips and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Bilbo’s Berry Smoothie: Made with a delicious blend of raspberries, blueberries, pomegranate and nonfat yogurt.

Lone-Lands Campfire Cookie Milk Shake: A thick hand-dipped milk shake with a delicious blend of premium vanilla ice cream and s’mores cookie pieces topped with a dollop of whipped cream. Served with a little extra in the tin.

The site’s updated often (enough to be a reliable bookmark for procrastination, at least)  but here are a few recent favorites.

[Bookshelf Porn]

After two decades of near silence The Replacements have shown signs of life. Earlier this year lead singer Paul Westerberg and Tommy Stinson collaborated on a benefit EP for Slim Dunlap and even hinted at a possible ‘Mats reunion, an idea that would have been virtually unthinkable not long before. Now Color Me Obsessed, the documentary about the band, is streaming for free in its entirety on YouTube.

Rolling Stone interviewed Westerberg in October’s issue, asking the songwriter if he’d seen the movie yet.

“I did,” Westerberg said. “I recognized most of the people, and some of them I thought, How dare you, you shameful so and so? Why don’t you get a life? I was embarrassed by it more than anything, I guess. Wouldn’t you be, if a movie described every little intricate thing about your life? That thing, the R band, the ‘Mats, they don’t even really belong to us anymore.”

Take it away, Spin:

The film focuses on “the potentially true story of the most influential, always drunk, self-destructive, and yet frighteningly brilliant rock band of all time as told through the eyes of their fans, followers, and fellow musicians.” More than 140 interviews were conducted in order to flesh out the Replacements’ story, and those that made the cut include Tommy Ramone, Hüsker Dü’s Grant Hart and Greg Norton (for whom it is always Movember), the Decemberists’ Colin Meloy and the Hold Steady’s Craig Finn, among others. The DVD includes more than six hours of additional material, from deleted scenes to commentary tracks to a handful of unedited interviews, but the two hours you can get for free are a good place to start.

Hit full screen and enjoy.

So this is pretty cool. Yesterday Boing Boing linked to a Census Dotmap, which places one dot for each of the 308,450,225 people documented by the 2010 census. It was made by cartographer Brandon M. Anderson because he “wanted an image of human settlement patterns unmediated by proxies like city boundaries, arterial roads, state lines, &c. Also, it was an interesting challenge.” The map is available in a huge, zoom-able form as well.

[Via Boing Boing]

Geek Art Gallery has assembled a gallery of Saturday Evening Post covers that would’ve been famous if Norman Rockwell was more interested in Batman than Americana. Picture The Joker overseeing Thanksgiving dinner instead of Grandpa and Boy Wonder instead of the pointing basketball team.

[via Geek Art Gallery, Laughing Squid]

In just a few short years The Clash had fallen from the summit of most promising rock bands to a squabbling foursome united only by a paycheck. The band behind London Calling - a masterful double album that effortlessly blended punk, ska, jazz, hip hop, reagge and disco – had become a shell of itself by early 1982. In January of February of that year the band played 8 nights in Japan, the socially conscious group’s first dates in the country after organizers removed a ban that forbade standing at concerts.

Here is video evidence of The Clash just after they finished recording Combat Rock and weeks before drummer Topper Headon would be ejected from the band for heroin abuse. He’d soon be followed by Mick Jones, the McCartney who would lose a power battle to Joe Stummer’s Lennon of the group.

Setlist:

1. London Calling
2. Safe European Home
3. (White Man) in Hammersmith Palais
4. Brand New Cadillac
5. Charlie Don’t Surf
6. Clampdown
7. This is Radio Clash
8. Armagideon Time
9. Jimmy Jazz
10. Tommy Gun
11. Fujiyama Mama
12. Police On My Back
13. White Riot

[Via Open Culture]

‘The Bergholz Boys,’ led by Sam Mullet (not pictured) sitting in court in October. (Via The Daily)

Earlier this year a federal court convicted Sam Mullet, an Amish bishop, of orchestrating a series of hate crimes. Mullet, his sons, and other members of their community attacked other Amish sects nearby in Ohio and forcibly shaved the beards off men and cut the hair of women. For the Amish, that amounts to an embarrassment equated to castration.

Mullet was also accused of ruling his 120-follower Amish community through methods of intimidation that one former follower compared to the methods used before the Jonestown Massacre. The bishop allegedly offered sex counseling for Amish couples, although the therapy sessions reportedly amounted to Mullet telling the man in the relationship he’d be going to bed with his wife.

The Daily published a phenomenal interview and in-depth analysis of Mullet’s methods, the reaction, and how the Amish leader – who is up against a life sentence – is holding up in prison.

An excerpt from A Bishop Behind Bars follows, click here for the rest.

Among his fellow inmates at Northern Ohio Correctional Center, the towering 67-year-old with wire-rimmed glasses, pudding-bowl haircut and retro facial hair is known simply as “O.G.”

While the term — street shorthand for “original gangster” — was unfamiliar to Mullet, he could sense that it was a compliment bestowed from across cultural lines.

“They’re calling me O.G.,” he said, smiling. “I don’t know what it means, but I guess it means something good.”

Unexpected honorific aside, he didn’t pretend to be comfortable in his new home. “I’m a stranger here. Plus Amish to boot,” he told The Daily last month in the first in-depth interview he has ever given. “How would you feel coming to Amish country and being locked up? You see guys in here with all kinds of dress and all kinds of hairstyles, but I’m the one that’s weird and sticking out.”

He told of having trouble falling asleep in his early days behind bars, kept awake by obscenity-laced banter that went on well into the night — and how his response stunned and charmed his fellow prisoners.

“At night when we had lockdown, they turned out the lights and some of the guys would holler back and forth, sometimes just cussing and screaming and carrying on for hours,” he said. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He began to feel an irrepressible longing to drown out the noise with the songs he had been singing since his boyhood.

“I decided I’m going to sing,” he said. “I didn’t know how they’d take it, and I was ashamed at first. And the first time I sang very low.”

In the dark prison, he began singing traditional Christian songs. One of his favorites was “Rank Stranger,” a tune about a man trying to get home but who finds himself lost in an unfamiliar land where he doesn’t recognize a soul.

To his surprise, the response of his cellblock mates was not abuse or mockery.

“They heard me singing softly, and then they wanted me to sing louder,” he said. “Now some of the guys come to my cell and they want me to sing every night. They’d come into my cell and listen to me just before we had lockdown. They said it made them sleep good.”

[Via Mashable]

Some good news on the publishing front as Byliner has announced it will be collaborating with the New York Times to produce original material. Byliner, which has been near the top of more than a few best-startup lists, has made its bones by curating some of the best longform writing. Staring in 2013 they will publish “Byliner Originals,” a series that touches delves into everything from fiction to expanded analyses that stem from New York Times reports.

The first release will be Snow Fall: The Avalanche at Tunnel Creek by Times reporter John Branch, according to a press release issued Thursday. That e-book is scheduled for release on Monday Dec. 17 and will coincide with an article on the same subject published in Monday’s Times. Snow Fall will be available for $2.99 on the Kindle store.

An excerpt is available on Byliner now:

Ski areas that once vigilantly policed their boundaries, from Jackson Hole, Wyo., to Squaw Valley, Calif., have gradually opened their gates to the territory surrounding them. While that has led to wrangling over liability issues and raised debate over search-and-rescue responsibilities, most areas note that they are carved out of public land. They really cannot keep people from going there…Skiing adjacent to ski areas, however, can numb people to risk. Easy access, familiar terrain and a belief that help is just a short distance away may lead people to descend slopes they might avoid in deeper wilderness.