Thank you for reading; ‘When You Put It That Way’ has moved

When You Put It That Way’s inception in December of 2011 was the final product of a series of conversations, first over a Skype connection and then over beers in a shitty North Buffalo apartment. The content has always been all over the map – both in terms of focus and, honestly, quality. But somehow this goofy blog opened the door to work with other websites and a move to New York City, where I stumbled my way into an awesome internship and a job in one of the fastest-dying industries there is.

I’ve finally started a new site – WhenYouPutItThatWay.com – where I’ll be posting consistently again. Hosting my own page allows more creativity with the layout and a credibility that didn’t seem possible here. Some of the best posts from the site you’re reading now will be revised and recycled, while hopefully we can all just pretend the worst (cough, cough) never happened.

Thanks to my girlfriend, friends, family, blog followers, and anyone who has ever bookmarked, liked the Facebook page, or re-tweeted my links. Any upswing in interest has been really helpful and genuinely appreciated. I remember all the nice words and suggestions. Seriously, thank you.

 

If you have any suggestions for the new site (which is coming along slower than I’d hoped so please bear with me) let me know on Twitter (@JeffStone500) or at WYPITW@gmail.com.

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Time to start talking about steroids in the NHL

Even with Ray Lewis’ admission that he used Deer Antler Spray and the Baseball Hall of Fame Committee’s recent shutout of PED users, the NHL has still managed to avoid the steroid question. Nobody wants to believe their favorite player is doping, but it takes a certain amount of naïveté to think it’s not happening at all.

Among those in denial is Philadelphia Flyers goon Jody Shelley, who – despite playing more than a decade in the NHL – claimed to have never seen any other players try to gain an unfair advantage by shooting a needle into themselves. During an interview with PhillyBurbs.com last month the veteran winger denied the NHL needed blood testing, which is used to detect the human growth hormone that kept ball players like Mark McGwire and Mike Piazza out of Cooperstown.

“You have to look at it from a kid’s point of view,” Shelley said. “Kids that are 12 to 20, living with dreams and aspirations and heroes. It sounds like a message from the writers, you can’t deny what those guys did as athletes and baseball players.”

And baseball players. Nope, not hockey’s problem. Only those dastardly athletes in the NFL, NBA, MLB, and every other sport would consider using PEDs.

Picture yourself as a 17-year-old kid playing in a junior league hundreds of miles away from home. You’re friends from home are going to senior prom and applying to colleges but your stapled to the bench. One of the guys who came up a few years ahead of you was just drafted and looks like he’ll be spending next season in the AHL. Meanwhile, because you’ve had trouble putting on weight, the team just traded for a 16-year-old that looks like he’s going to steal your roster spot.

All you have to do is start injecting a shot into your butt cheek 20 minutes before hitting the weight room a couple times a week. You know a guy who can get the stuff cheap, and the league you’re playing for doesn’t even test for it. No one even has to know, and even if they suspect something you’ll be too busy scoring goals for them to think twice. The difference could be a shot at the show versus bragging for the rest of your life about captaining a Division II team.

“As far as HGH, I think that if the league thought it was a problem, they would go after it,” Shelley continued. “Maybe that (blood testing) is the next step to this whole thing. They addressed the major issue when it came up and tried to get ahead of it like the other sports with steroids. Maybe there’s another step, I don’t know…I think the NHL has done a good job. If other things come up, there will be a discussion.”

Bad news, Jody. Other things have come up. Former seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong’s admission that he led the U.S.P.S. cycling team in a no holds barred steroid orgy should shake major sports leagues to their core. There’s no excuse to pretend this isn’t happening in locker rooms across North America, not anymore.

Part of the reason Shelley may not think there’s a problem is because of the league’s laughable testing policy. Before the 2010 Olympics Games in Vancouver, World Anti Doping Agency director general David Howman told reporters that, despite what too many executives and fans think, hockey doesn’t exist in a bubble.

“We don’t know if there’s a problem (in the NHL),” Howman said. “But you’re left with a suspicion there may be a problem if they’re not prepared to front-up. That’s the underlying issue. (The policy) is not as stringent as you would want. And therefore you could slip under the radar quite easily.”

Again, it seems unlikely that steroid use is a widespread problem in hockey, but refusing to even acknowledge it’s happening is mind-boggling.

Very little has changed under the terms of the newest collective bargaining agreement. Sarah Kwak at Sports Illustrated reported that the NHL and NHLPA only “will study the use of stimulants and amphetamines and make recommendations…including whether or not to establish a testing program.”

Instead of simply “establishing a testing program,” something that should be considered the bare minimum for any sport trying to curb drug use, NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly announced the league would focus on Ambien, the sleeping pill.

“It’s not a huge concern, but it is a concern,” said Daly.

So sleeping pills are a “concern” but exorbitant levels of testosterone and the idea of players using the same drugs Sylvester Stallone used to bulk up for Rambo are off the grid?

In 2008 Daly’s boss, NHL Commish Gary Bettman, testified in front of a U.S. House subcommittee that the NHL didn’t have a problem with performance enhancing drugs, citing only one suspension in the nearly three years between the hearing and the 2004-05 lockout.

“We shouldn’t all be painted with the same broad brush,” Bettman said. “Every sport is different. What goes on in one sport does not go in every sport. This hasn’t been an issue for us as it has been for others.”

Gary has never been popular among fans but there’s no denying he’s one of the smartest men in the game. The commissioner’s sense of his own power is unrivaled, so he has to realize the benefits of keeping any steroid use in the league under wraps. It’s better business for him and the NHL to avoid the steroids discussion altogether. Living in the dark means hockey, coming off its second lockout in under a decade, will be able to avoid the public relations disaster that’d be unavoidable if a future Hall of Famer like Teemu Selanne or Martin Brodeur was revealed to have been so good for so long because they were cheating.

Someday the use of PEDs in hockey will fly in the face of fans and the league, whether they like it or not. It will be revealed that players scoring highlight reel goals today started using yesterday. Until then, though, it might be better to keep up the facade. But when the wall of denial finally comes down – either by force or league initiative – at least we’ll be able to stop pretending hockey is immune.

 

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Smurf bandits stopped in Australia

smurf

Four Australian teenagers have been arrested after a man came forward claiming he’d just been assaulted after leaving a 7-11. The man, it seems, was approached by someone dressed as Papa Smurf and asked for a cigarette. He complied but when he refused to light it Papa Smurf erupted and gave the poor guy a major beating. The victim also said he witnessed three other Smurfs trying to hotwire a car.

The foursome turned themselves in after seeing their blue faces broadcast on the news.

 

[Via Geekologie]

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Military suicide at an all-time high, surpass combat deaths in 2012

marines

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta and various congressmen have now classified the record high number of military suicides last year an “epidemic.” Experts blame the rising trend – which took 349 lives in 2012 alone – on Iraq and Afghanistan veterans suffering from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as well as financial and relationship troubles that combine to produce a sense of hopelessness. That’s not to mention substance abuse, legal problems or other issue facing service men and women. Often, they are simply unable to cope with being a civilian after returning home from combat.

In 2005 the suicide rate in the Army was less than half of 2012’s number.

From the Associated Press:

Each year the Pentagon performs an in-depth study of the circumstances of each suicide. The most recent year for which that analysis is available is 2011, and among the findings was that those who took their own lives tended to be white men under the age of 25, in the junior enlisted ranks, with less than a college education.

The analysis of 2011′s 301 military suicides also found that the suicide rate for divorced service members was 55 percent higher than for those who were married. It determined that 60 percent of military suicides were committed with the use of firearms – and in most cases the guns were personal weapons, not military-issued.

That study also found that most service members who attempted suicide – about 65 percent – had a known history of behavior problems, whereas 45 percent of those who actually completed the act and killed themselves had such a history.

One such case was Army Spc. Christopher Nguyen, 29, who killed himself last August at an off-post residence he shared with another member of the 82nd Airborne Division at Fort Bragg, N.C., according to his sister, Shawna Nguyen.

“He was practically begging for help and nothing was done,” she said in an interview.

[Via Associated Press]

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Grandma dance-off takes Grand Central Station

There are no words.

[Via Gothamist]

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Sulking through last year’s Winter Classic

Right now hockey fans should be sitting down in front of a big TV or crowding into bars across the land to watch the NHL Winter Classic between the Detroit Red Wings and Toronto Maple Leafs. We could be soaking in the alumni game (a possible all-timer, mind you) and getting mustard on our jerseys. Instead, because of the lockout, the Molson Canadian-swilling, “Leafs Suck” chanting masses are now stuck re-watching last year’s outdoor game. And while there is something incredibly depressing about the whole exercise, watching the Winter Classic between the New York Rangers and Philadelphia Flyers does bring back memories about the happy ignorance we all we in 365 days ago.

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Jamie ‘The Bear’ McDonald eats Denny’s entire Hobbit-themed menu in 20 minutes

Jamie “The Bear” McDonald, a competitive eater and body builder, is wowing his way across the Internet for devouring the entire Hobbit-themed Denny’s Menu in a mere 20 minutes, even better than the record set by drunks looking for some late-night chow on the weekends.

Geek Tyrant detailed exactly what he ate:

Hobbit Hole Breakfast: Two eggs fried right into the center of grilled Cheddar bun halves. Served with two strips of bacon and crispy hash browns topped with melted shredded Cheddar cheese and bacon.

Shire Sausage Skillet: Shire sausage with seasoned red-skinned potatoes, sautéed mushrooms and fire-roasted peppers and onions served on a sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and two eggs.

Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet: Slow-cooked pot roast, herb-roasted carrots, celery, mushrooms and onions over broccoli and seasoned red-skinned potatoes served on a hot sizzling skillet. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese and served with dinner bread.

The Ring Burger: A hand-pressed burger topped with Pepper Jack cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms and mayo on a grilled Cheddar cheese bun. Crowned with three crispy onion rings and served with lettuce, tomato, red onions, pickles and a side of wavy-cut French fries.

Gandalf’s Gobble Melt: Tender sliced turkey breast and savory stuffing topped with melted Swiss cheese placed on grilled potato bread with a cranberry honey mustard spread. Served with your choice of side and gravy for dipping.

Dwarves’ Turkey & Dressing Dinner: Tender sliced turkey breast, savory stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce served with your choice of two sides and dinner bread. Feeds a band of Dwarves. Or one hungry human…..or Bear.

Lonely Mountain Treasure: Seed Cake French Toast cut into nine squares and served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies: Six bite-sized round red velvet Pancake Puppies® made with white chocolate chips and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Bilbo’s Berry Smoothie: Made with a delicious blend of raspberries, blueberries, pomegranate and nonfat yogurt.

Lone-Lands Campfire Cookie Milk Shake: A thick hand-dipped milk shake with a delicious blend of premium vanilla ice cream and s’mores cookie pieces topped with a dollop of whipped cream. Served with a little extra in the tin.

 

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